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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 24, 2007 12:35:17 GMT -5
Looking around my room nothing seemed the same,Atreyu posters turned into Pictures of Grim,and pictures of Rizzo turned into Gomory...
Damion sighed crossing his arms behind his head laying on his back on the bed.
"whats happening to u daim..",his thoughts poured out of his lips,and all seemed black now,his dreams,his plans of life,his heart..
Thinking of Rizzo it hit him nothing had been to happy between them lately,everytime they saw each other it was another fight,another problem,even at the AFI show she seemed bothered with him,then there were thoughts of Gomory,a smile crossed his face.
Gomorys always been the one there for u,why din't u follow ur heart idiot..
yeah,Damion loved Sammi,he still does but all is falling away..shes not even the same girl he met two years ago,and weither or not he'd like to admitt it,it hurts.
Hearing his mother call for dinner he just burried his head under the pillows,"nothing for me tonight mom,im just gonna sleep!"
A sigh left his lips and a piece of hair flew out of his face to land right back in place,Miseria Cantare blasting in his head phones,And it made him think,he thought long and hard,darker and darker the thoughts became and soon he was full of hate..
Rage built up he smiled,it was a feeling he liked,and there was no turning back.
Grabbing one of the shotguns from under his bed he decided to take the window's way out of his room.
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 24, 2007 15:16:41 GMT -5
Finals. Yes, finals. F.I.N.A.L.S. All that stood for was, "Fuck-I-Never-Actually-Learned-this-Shit." And Rizzo, as much as she tried to pay attention, had apparently learned nothing all semester in her Algebra II class. Why did she need AII anyway? Wasn't algebra and geometry enough? Why go through the rest? And next year, why take college algebra? It wasn't as if she was going into a field that required that much math. Of course, everything had to do with math, but would she ever need to use that much math all the time? Even her parents admitted they used little, if any, of the math they learned in high school. But school was school, and she had to pass all of her classes.
But not today. Today was not for school, today was just for having fun. Fun was something she'd been lacking in lately. She was stressed, she'd been having nightmares. Half the time she couldn't even remember the nightmares, but one did stick out to her. She was, in the dream, painting again, like she did often. It was a beautiful landscape scene. The trees were full and green, a lake sat in the middle of the canvas. But in her dream, Rizzo wasn't happy with the painting. There was something missing, so she added a girl beneath a tree next to the lake. And, like dreams go, the scene changed. She was no longer painting the picture, but in it. She sat beneath a tree, looking over a beautiful, shimmering lake, with nothing to worry about. As she sat, a shadow fell over her. Looking up, she discovered it was Gomory. "Hello," she said to Gomory.
Gomory only laughed. The scene changed again with the laugh, turning into a room. What kind of room, Rizzo could never remember, but she did remember posters on the wall. Not band posters, because she knew it was not a bedroom. There was some sort of board on the wall, with things written on it, and there were two windows looking out over something, but the sun made it too bright to look out them. Sam was sitting against a wall opposite the windows, with faceless people around her. Gomory stood in the center of the room, a single gun in her hand. She was laughing.
Then the dream ended. She'd been having this dream for about a month, randomly, sometimes when she fell asleep in class, but never had she been able to figure it out.
Rizzo sat in her car, parked outside of Damion's house, trying not to think of the dream. Today was going to be a fun day, she was going to hang out with Damion. Maybe watch a few movies, or go to the park and walk around.
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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 24, 2007 20:53:07 GMT -5
Damion looked up seeing Rizzo's car,oh shit she was coming to get me was all he could think,good thing the gun was ina duffle bag,he walked over to the car flashing her a smile as he got in,he kissed her cheek before pulling his seat belt on.
"hey u,im grounded which is why i used the window"he laughed and smiled at her once more putting one of his hands ontop of hers.
"i missed u,and we really need to talk."
He threw the duffle bag into the back seat watching it as it fell to the floor.
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 24, 2007 21:22:34 GMT -5
"Talk? Talk about what?" She inquired, laughing as she sat down in the drivers seat. "And you're always grounded, it seems. But I guess that's the price you pay for always getting into shit. But I love you anyway. You do know I love you, right?" She grinned and leaned over, kissing his cheek gently. "Anyway, we're going to have fun today. I've decided that... oh shit." She stopped and looked down at her phone. "Hold on, it's ringing."
Rizzo felt a little disgruntled, but she could never turn down a call. She always answered a call, even in class. But she avoided having to do that by turning her phone off. Normally, because of her OCD I-Must-Answer-The-Phone-When-It-Rings-ness, her phone was silent, so she would not be bothered, but she didn't think to turn it on that setting today. Everybody knew she wanted to hang with Damion, right? She was sure she told them that.
"Hold," she lifted a hand into the air to silence him. "Hello?" Pressing the phone to her ear, she heard Alek's voice. There was another person in the background... Gomory? Why Gomory? "You're at--wait--what? Gomory? Are you FREAKING kidding me? God damn it, Alek." She hung up the phone. Alek... with... Gomory? Why the hell?
"Sorry..." she tossed the phone into the back of the car. "Anyway, what did you want to talk about?"
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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 24, 2007 21:51:03 GMT -5
"uh well,i was gonna ask whats wrong lately?..,i feel like u dun trust me or something..its starting to kinda hurt u know babe.."
HE looked down as he always does when hes nervous,then back up at her to look in her eyes but Gomorys name struck him finaly.
"wait Gomory,and A-alek?,are u effing kidding me?!,i mean i guess thats cool i just never thought those two u kno..,but whever this is getting off subject.."
He looked back down scared of what she might say about the whole thing,he really loved her but something seemed to be slipping away,and today was actually the only day ina long time shes said she loved him.
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 24, 2007 21:57:15 GMT -5
"Oh..." so that was what he wanted to talk about. "I don't have a straight answer," she turned the key in the ignition, looking back to make sure there was nobody behind her as she backed out of the driveway. "And I do trust you, it's Gomory I don't trust. She's hated me since day one, and I think she has a thing for you. This whole thing with Alek is probably just a way to get to me, but I'm not going to let it."
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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 24, 2007 22:04:01 GMT -5
"look can u stop playing with me and just for once tell me an answer straight up,do u still love me Samantha?...."
Damion looked at her his face a little confused/hurt,he no longer knew what to do,what to say,or even how to feel at this point.
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 24, 2007 22:18:58 GMT -5
She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, unable to draw her eyes away from the road before her. Finally, after a minute or two, she parked on the side of the road. She couldn't talk to him when she was driving, it was too distracting. "I just said I love you, didn't I? You know I don't lie. I'm too honest sometimes. Even if I was a liar, I could never lie to you. Why would I want to? Yeah, I've been a little suspicious, but not of you, of Gomory. She's a bad egg, dude, and you don't seem to realize it. She's into shit I can't even imagine. I wouldn't be surprised if she pulled some Columbine shit on us, or even worse, some V-Tech. I wouldn't be surprised if she killed fifty people. She's just that kind of person."
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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 24, 2007 22:52:28 GMT -5
"why would u say something like that!?.shes not that kinda person!"
Thinking in the back of his mind if anyone was like that it was him,all the things in his notebooks,all the weapons,hell the shotgun in the back of her car..
"i mean im sorry to yell but shes my friend yeah she has a few anger probs but shes not that crazy..shes actually nice when u talk to her.."
He looked down pulling on more strings on his pants he couldn't look her in the eyes.
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 24, 2007 23:06:16 GMT -5
Sam could only shrug at his response to her accusation. "I'm just saying. I don't have to like her, you know, and I'm very vocal about my feelings. You know I'm like that, and never do I say such things to be capricious. I seriously, in the pit of my stomach, am afraid of her, Damion. You know I had a dream she killed me, and you just kind of stood there. I know it was just a dream, but it was the scariest thing. If I wanted to risk death I could go back and live with my grandparents in Belfast. Catholic people aren't exactly liked up there, even now. And I know you love her and all, she's your best friend... but I can't help it. I can't help how I feel. I don't like even you being around her, I'm afraid she's going to get you into bad things. I love you too much to allow you to run down a path of destruction."
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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 25, 2007 12:20:09 GMT -5
Daim looked her in the eyes,sincear,and calm,he was starting to understand but he din't want to ever think Gomory would do anything like that,but she was his partner in crime but he liked it that way.
He nodded slowly in an understanding way,and kissed her cheek softly.
"i understand and im sorry i even asked u that stuff,u know how i can get sometimes tho,not to sure of my self and the feeling of losing u it scares me sometimes,and sometimes i think we've drifted apart..the other night at the AFI show, it was great just being there with u,but its kinda hard when u feel this tension,ya kno?.."
He looked back down and then to her quickly,he could feel the pitt of his stomach churning,he was confused,she acted so far away and then when they talked she seemed to drift her way back into his life and he rememberd why he even asked her out,but what about that feeling in his heart for Gomory where the hell is that going to go,the last thing he wanted to do was let it Die....
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 25, 2007 14:32:54 GMT -5
Something sparked in her mind. A speech, one that meant a lot to her. It seemed appropriate:
"To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action."
She recited the speech, as she had it memorized since she first read Hamlet. It was her favorite book, of course he would know that. And Hamlet, at this time, reminded her of Damion. Or did Damion remind her of Hamlet? Whatever the case, she wanted him to think it over. "What does that mean?" She asked, referring to her speech. "What did Hamlet mean by all of that?" Of course she had her own interpretation, but Damion... she hoped would see what she meant by her fear of Gomory through it.
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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 25, 2007 19:58:40 GMT -5
"i dunno wtf hamlet ment but i know this is almost over..,im not Giving up my friend for anyone..Gomory's done as much as u have for me and she dosn't deserve this..not from me,u,or anyone,im outta here.."
Damion got out of her car grabbing his bag out of the back and started to walk,he wasn't about to let her shove things in to his head,he loved rizzo but enough was enough.
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 25, 2007 20:15:10 GMT -5
She was angered, very angered. How dare he walk out on her like that! "I'm not done!" She opened the car door and jumped out, slamming it behind her. "Hamlet meant that when you think of death more and more, if you contemplate killing yourself, then you will not do it. He also meant that if you are gone, who else is there to suffer? And we do not know what comes after death, we cannot know. Nobody has ever returned from wherever it is we go. Hamlet said in his speech that there is a reason we all are here. If we knew what came after death, it would be so much easier to die. But we don't."
She walked quickly after him. "Damion, you listen to me. I love you, and without you, I myself would have gotten into a lot of things. When I moved here," tears were forming in her jade eyes, "I didn't know anybody. I was from another country, a war-struck country, where I'd witnessed the death of an innocent person, gunned down on the street. I had a funny accent, people liked to bring it up. I still can't get rid of it. But you were a friend to me, and I love you. I will always love you, but I cannot love you if you love Gomory. Tell me, Damion, do you love Gomory like you love me? Or am I your Ophelia? Did you never love me at all?"
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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 25, 2007 20:34:07 GMT -5
"i fell for her yes...,but u have my heart,u know that rizzo..i just thought i was losing u.."
He looked at her before wraping his arms around her hugging and holding her,"i love u Rizzo,i love u.."
Kissing her head gently he held her close,he hadn't been thie close to her or felt this kind of connection since there relationship was fresh,it felt good.
He layed his head ontop of her's lightly,not letting his arms unshield her warm gentle body.
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 25, 2007 20:36:11 GMT -5
"Wait, what?" She pushed away, ignoring everything else she said. Rizzo had the tendency to latch onto one thing a person said, to dwell on it, make it bigger than it was. "You fell for her? What the hell does that mean? Are you still 'fallen' for her?"
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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 25, 2007 20:52:29 GMT -5
"no im not,i love u Rizzo,im serious u have my heart,who the fuck am i lying to,im still falling for her,im so sorry Sam please forgive me,please understand"
Tears were building in his eyes,he was so confused Rizzo had his heart but on the other hang Gomory seemed perfect,it was all so hard,and it all hurt so much,he couldn't take this thought ofnever talking to Riz again.
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 25, 2007 20:54:50 GMT -5
"I see." She pulled away from him. "Damion, imagine how you would feel if I fell for a guy friend of mine. I know how you feel about the guys I hang around. They're either the artsy kids, or the jocks. You know Andrew, the kid who plays on the football team. He's like my best friend, aside from you. And I also happen to know you hate him with almost as much fury as I hate Gomory. If I started to feel for him, I don't think you could understand. You'd be angry, I know you would, and you would resent me. You can't honestly expect me to understand you if you don't understand me. I don't want only part of your heart, Damion, so it's either me or her. I'm sorry."
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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 25, 2007 21:24:32 GMT -5
Damion looked down tears falling from his cheeks.
"i can't choose because if i choose u,i have to walk away from my friend..,im sorry Samantha.."
And with that he started back off on foot away from her,pulling his hood up the tears fell as so did the rain,damion loved rain because no one could ever tell he was crying,it seemed to be the only time he cried,and the sky and God's above were doing him a favor.
Pulling on his head phones he turned on his Ipod,The perfect song was playing it seemed to always work out that way.
He spoke the lyrics lowly almost like a whisper as he sniffled.
"we live in a beautiful place,let love take away all this pain,we live in a beautiful place..we wasted so many days,our hearts are as dark as the rain,we live in a beautiful place..."
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 25, 2007 21:40:01 GMT -5
"So you'd rather walk away from somebody who could love you more? Somebody who actually cares about your future, the way you feel? Fine, I see. I'm moving back home anyway, so I figure this is as good a time as ever to tell you." Not necissarily true, but how was he to know? All she had to do was go home and tell her mother and father that she wanted to go home and live with Grandma and Granddad. It was easier, she felt, leaving the country. She hated running from things, but she couldn't handle Damion anymore. "But Gomory was always more important to you than me. I was just a side-project."
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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 25, 2007 21:43:35 GMT -5
"u werent a fucking side project!,i loved u but ur fucking jealousy took over!,im not the only one wrong here!,when a person is being pushed away from someone they love more than life it fucking hurts!,so if u wanna go home feel fucking free because then i won't have to fucking hurt when i see u anymore.."
He was looking back at her yelling,he wanted to scream,was she really the only victem in this case?,no,but eveytime they faught she made it feel that way and it was fucking unfair.
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 25, 2007 21:50:32 GMT -5
Rizzo was never an angry person, but her anger was taking over now. "I am not jealous, I am only looking out for you! And even if I am, jealousy isn't really a bad thing! It's normal to feel, especially when the man you love spends all his time with some other girl! How many times have I called, only to hear you have to hush her? How many times have I come over, oly to find you hurrying up, puting things away in your room? How can I not be suspicious of you? And what about the other day, when I was going to put the CD in your trunk? You came back, acting all nervous like you do when something's wrong. But you won't confide in me." She turned away from him, looking over the landscape. They were on a hill, easily looking out over the dreary city. The skyscrapers and other buildings were painted shadows against a cloudy backdrop. The rain blurred her vision.
"But whatever. You can go back to your Gomory, I don't really care anymore. Although I have to admit, I am a hell of a lot prettier than her." Nor was Samantha a vain person, but she had a tendency to say things he didn't mean when she was upset.
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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 25, 2007 21:58:32 GMT -5
"i spend so much fucking time with her cuz she understands me,we just look at things diffrently,and thats not fair of u to try and make me choose,and im not going to!.."
He crossed his arms looking out as well, shaking his head.
"i'll walk home..rain never killed anyone,if anything it helps me,another weird thing u dun get about me,i think its fucking beautiful when it rains because for once the world isn't this oh so fake perfect place,where everyone shows there fake smiles,and there fake cheers,but instead everything is renued and pure."
He pulled his duffle bag up onto his arm a bit more,wiping his eyes a bit,they were now red and puffy and he looked worn.
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 25, 2007 22:01:19 GMT -5
"Since when have I ever said I dislike the rain? I just don't see it the way you do because I spent most of my fucking life in the rain. It's quite rainy up in Ireland, you know, so it's a relief to be in a place where it actually has more sunlight than rain. Sunlight is a vital part of existence, it soothes people, it gives us nutrients." She turned her head, her eyes narrowed at him. "And maybe I don't see things like you do because you don't let me."
Sam's eyes settled on the duffle bag. "Daim, what's in there?"
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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 25, 2007 22:07:47 GMT -5
"why do u care?"
shit. shit. shit.,walk daim walk
And with that he started off again.
"look can i talk to u when were not yelling at each other,i want u in my life Rizz"
He turned to look at hermhe was sincear,he really loved rizzo in his life and it would really hurt for her to just leave.
"look to tell the truth if u go back there i'll cry my eyes out,and thats hard to say,i need u here Rizzo weither u believe that or not,we may not see eye to eye all the time but i need u Riz.."
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 25, 2007 22:10:48 GMT -5
She stepped closer to him, not convinced. He was up to something. He never hid something in plain sight. "Damion," she said in a low voice, "what is in the bag?" Thunder cracked overhead, in sync with a blast of lightning that lit up th area. "Damion, let's mend this relationship. Step one is being honest. What's in the bag?"
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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 25, 2007 22:17:16 GMT -5
"ok ok..i was going hunting down in the woods its my dad's shot gun..i was scared to tell u in thoughts that ud freak.."
He looked at her,his eyes never changing there look,he learned to play that off good,he practiced everyday infront of his mother before he'd soon sneakout the house.
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 27, 2007 18:14:00 GMT -5
Suddenly she didn't care about the gun. He was a hunter, so what? There was something that was really bothering her, something she needed to find out. "You say... you say you love me," she said, starting slowly. "And I love you. I've been distant lately, but there are reasons behind it, ones that run deeper than my hate for your friend. I'm not even sure of all those reasons, though I think part of it is you're graduating soon. But... I have this feeling you don't really love me anymore. And if you don't, I want you to tell me. I want you to be happy, so if you're happy with somebody else, go ahead and leave me. I sort of miss Ireland, anyway. And I might have my parents let me live in Dublin... but that's against the point. I want to know if you want to be with someone else. I want to know if that someone else is Gomory, because it seems like you don't even try to spend time with me anymore. I go out of my way to find that singed CD for you, I call you to see if you want to hang out on a Saturday... but you always say you're busy, hanging with Gomory. So what is it?"
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Post by ~+Damion Schmidt+~ on Apr 27, 2007 21:28:02 GMT -5
"look..but..ok ur right..i love u as my friend now..i mean weve drifted apart and i find myself really really Loving Gomory.."
He looked down then to her and sighed.
"i..im sorry..i just..its not there anymore.."Sighing again,a tear ran down his cheek,"i dun want u to go back,to be truthfull i'll miss u..we may not be as close,but i still love u as my friend.."
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Post by Samantha "Rizzo" Booker on Apr 27, 2007 22:16:23 GMT -5
"You know," she said after a moment's pause, "when I was younger, before we started dating, I believed you could love somebody only if they loved you back. It wasn't true love otherwise. But this moment proved me wrong. I love you as more than a friend, and nothing has changed my mind. I've always been a runner, Damion. I can't stick around. I'll probably be gone by this time next week." She hated saying it, but it was true. It was not, as he might suspect, a ploy to have him back, but the honest truth. "I only stayed in this God-forsaken country for you. I could have been anywhere else in the world, but I wanted to be with the man I love. But there's no point staying here anymore. Bye." She turned and began off towards her car.
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